Life SUX! Need to vent :(

Published on December 17, 2005 By Musical-Mayhem In WinCustomize Talk

I'm a proud father of a beautiful 4 1/2 year old girl.
Unfurtunately, she doesn't live with us (my wife and myself), but lives with her F**ked up mother and emotionally disturbed half brother who is 11.
Now while I've never been happy with the situation, I've accepted the reality of it, even though deep down I've known that it was a very unhealthy environment for her to be in.
And to that end, both my wife Moira and myself have tried giving our daughter all the love and nurturing and support that we could. All the time knowing it was nowhere near enough, but we were (and still are) consistant.

Everything was going ok (under these circumstances) up until a few weeks ago when her behaviour took a radical turn for the worse, and she went from being a relatively happy and bright little girl to a very defiant, angry and scared little girl, and a girl I almost didn't recognise.
Add to that, she was only recently out of night nappies and we had been praising and encouraging her in this, she'd have consistant dry beds etc...
But then when she was up with us recently (we have her with us every 2nd weekend) she was a very differnt girl, and had completely soaked beds at least twice a night

Now while neither of us made a big thing about this in front of Emily, we were concerned to say the least.
If it was only that, I'd be concerned, but not too worried.
But she also started groping my wife's breasts in a very unhealthy way as well as my stepdaughter's (she's 17), and again, if she'd been a couple of years younger I wouldn't be TOO concerned, but she's 4 1/2 and highly intelligent.

She has also told Moira (when she felt safe enough to do so) that her brother bullys her (no surprise to me) and that her mother yells and screams at her and she gets scared (also no surprise to me).

After she'd told us that I saw red as you can probably imagine, but managed to pull myself in and spoke to her mother about this.
She said she'd talk to Emily's brother about it.
But if anything, it's gotten worse

About the boy: as I said, he's 11. He has ADHD as well as other emothional problems. I've never felt very comfortable around the boy, but just told myself that he wouldn't hurt his sister, but whenever he'd hug her I'd get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But with nothing concrete to base it on I'd say nothing for fear of losing my daughter.
As for the mother, to say she's screwd up emotionally would be an understatement.
She's also very cunning and knows how to use the system very well

Case in point: the brother's father has been battling this woman for custody of the boy for 9 years.
Result: She broke him emotionally and he and his wife left town.
The best thing for the boy would be to live with his Dad and his step mum who would get him the help he desparately needs, though I suspect he maybe already beyond that.

Do I think that he's been touching Emily inapproprately? You bet I do!

Fortunately for us, my wife has a way with Emily and can get her to open up to her in a very healthy and safe way, and it is at the times when they are bonding and playing princess magic games (after all, what 4 1/2 year old girl doesn't believe in magic?

)
that Emily feels safe enough to confide in her about the things that are upsetting her.

We will be having her with us next weekend and we are going to try (very carefully and without any real prompting) to find out from her whether her brother has indeed been touching her in places he shouldn't be.
And if it turns out to be true (and believe me, I fervently hope it isn't), my 1st call will be to the police, and the 2nd call will be to the child welfare agency that deals in cases such as this.
Said agency already have this woman in their sights I might add, but they have never been able to catch her out

So if anyone has any word of wisdom, they would be much appreciated.

Man life SUX!

Comments

Cyberworld

on Dec 17, 2005

Life does not suck.

Moments in life suck.

Since you are determined to prove your right eventually you will prevail.

Persistence, care, precaution.

Life goes on with small steps, not rushed leaps.

Jafo

on Dec 17, 2005

So if anyone has any word of wisdom, they would be much appreciated.

Some people have an odd fascination with airing personal issues in public....all those Donohue [whatever] proggies on Telly thrive on it.

The same amount of effort to publicly vent would be better served by you informing people who can ACTUALLY assist you, namely Child Welfare [or its equivalent].

Suspicions, etc should be formally reported...that's why we have Police, etc.

Take advice from Nike...

Just DO IT.

Musical-Mayhem

on Dec 17, 2005

Suspicions, etc should be formally reported...that's why we have Police, etc.

Couldn't agree more mate, and do you seriously think we haven't?
And we will be again ASAP

starkers

on Dec 17, 2005

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through all this, it can be such a soul destroying situation. My wife and I went through similar circumstances some years ago with my step-daughter and her natural father. We finally got full custody and she refused to ever see him again, but the damage was done and the authorities didn't follow up on it as they should have, thus depriving her of justice and some closure. No wonder the poor kid is so angry, confused and feeling betrayed.

Now at 15, she has gone off the rails and neither of us can even speak with her because, to her, we are the worst in the world for not letting her do as she pleases with a 28 yo man, amongst other things. In the end she just took off from home and has since gone wild, coming to the attention of police numerous times but never with any real consequence.

Some people have an odd fascination with airing personal issues in public....all those Donohue [whatever] proggies on Telly thrive on it.

The same amount of effort to publicly vent would be better served by you informing people who can ACTUALLY assist you, namely Child Welfare [or its equivalent].

Suspicions, etc should be formally reported...that's why we have Police, etc.

Sometimes people have nothing left, but to publicly vent!
My wife and I have repeatedly been to the relevant authorities, not just with suspicions but facts, and they have done absolutely nothing to help resolve the situation for the best. If anything, Child welfare is facilitating and assisting the girl in her misguided endeavours by providing whatever she needs to stay out there.
The latest is that they are setting her up in her own place because, according to them, she is now old enough to make her own decisions. What a crock of shit that is!......She's not allowed to vote, drink or smoke, but she can enter into an improper sexual relationship with someone almost twice her age. WITHOUT an ACTUAL COMPLAINT from HER, we've been told they can and will do nothing, despite its illegal nature and more than enough evidence to pursue it.

According to a lawyer friend we were speaking with last night, the law is on her side....even when she's in the wrong. However, he says that once she turns 16, she will be scrutinised for this (another matter before the court now) and will suffer the consequences of her actions. That, for us, is like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted and it's all too late, and then all they'll do is lock her up somewhere, which resolves nothing and does not address the underlying issues. It's like they're using the last resort first, because they simply can't be bothered with the ongoing paperwork....to make the effort to help save this kid from bad circumstances and herself.

What is the world coming to, when children are assigned every conceivable right (without consequence or responsibility) and the parents....none whatsoever?

Musical-Mayhem

on Dec 17, 2005

Thank you for sharing that.
We truly feel for you and your wife.
Since I last wrote a couple of hours ago we have spoken to our local police and will be seeing them at 9am tomorow morning (we live in a small town) and we will also be talking to the child welfare people tomorrow morning.

But to say that I fear that we may lose our daughter through this is an understatement!
Her mother is a very resourseful and cunning woman

starkers

on Dec 18, 2005

Thank you for sharing that.
We truly feel for you and your wife.

Thank you, as we do for you and yours.

I too have an update: We've just been informed that it all may very well be taken completely out of our hands quite soon. There is a matter before the court, and my step-daughter has made it her intention not to attend or co-operate (complicated). Given that she is the DPP's chief witness, we were just told that a warrant for her arrest will be issued and she'll remain in custody until it's over....unless we can convince her to do otherwise.
That's alot easier said than done when getting her to listen and see sense is like trying to push runny custard up a drainpipe with a toothpick. And what perplexes me is that the courts have the power of arrest here, but the law enforcement and child protection agencies do not.

None of this would be happening if the authorities had done their jobs properly from the start...ie, given her justice for what her natural father did, made her accountable for her recent actions from word go. In the last 6 weeks, to date, she has been caught shoplifting on 5 occasions, been intoxicated in public twice, using obscene and offensive language in public and indecent public behaviour, yet she has not received as much as a slap on the wrist.

We keep hearing 'she is under 16 and there's nothing we can do under the current laws'. What has this kid gotta do before they'll act, murder somebody? Yet if there were illegal drugs involved...but then they'd extract the fines from us, not her, because then, and only then do we have any rights or responsibilities regarding this child.
This child is at risk, and we're doing everything we can, but as I see it, the govt is only willing to act when there's revenue in it for them....and obviously there wouldn't be.

The laws governing these issues remain in the statute books, but when the department created by govt to assist families/children in instances like these have all their powers and authority stripped, there's no point when these laws cannot/will not be enforced....until it's all too late and lives are destroyed.

It's like our lawyer friend said last night..."they will give her enough rope, and when they gey pissed off enough with her behaviour, they'll storm in, jack boots and all to put her under lock and key." Unfortunately, other circumstances do not allow him to assist us in the matter.

It's a total disgrace that elected officials have betrayed society in such a way, so I sincerely hope that the misfits, miscreants, anarchists and the unbalanced souls they created are running their retirement/nursing homes.

And before anyone says 'she's your child, your responsibility'....we were threatened with arrest for deprivation of liberty when she used her mobile phone to complain to police that we had locked her in to prevent a meeting with the 28yo...that we could be charged with kidnapping and other offences for removing her from his car to prevent an inappropriate act on the back seat.
Where's the sense or justice in that?

Musical-Mayhem

on Dec 18, 2005

man I don't know what to say

But we would like to stay in touch with you guys if that is ok?
So please feel free to email us at any time
You'll find our email adress on my WC page.

Sembetu

on Dec 18, 2005

I can relate, and I understand more than you know, but that is really all I cans say about that. As for publicly venting, I do feel that there is an appropriate time and place for venting such justified feelings of frustration, even anger, however, there is one thing I would like to point out. Many people have complained about whether this is a community or not (WC), and I think it speaks volumes that in searching for a place to vent, musical felt he had at the very least a place to be heard. Think about it, when each of us came to WC, we didn't really know a feeling of community here, but here is one prime example of how over time, this community of skinners has become even more than that. To say that any of

starkers

on Dec 18, 2005

Musical-Mayhem You have mail

I really don't get it!! One arm of the govt is saying that they'll arrest and incarcerate her...unless we can convince her to co-operate fully with the court case...and another telling us that they cannot/will not tell us where she is or pass on any messages, regardless of their importance. Even though we stressed the urgency and gave the name of the officer concerned, the welfare person refused on the grounds that it would be an invasion of the girl's privacy and would violate State laws.
How #@&$#*% ridiculous it that? There are far more serious laws being broken, and to their knowledge, yet they want to be sticklers and invoke the letter of the law regarding privacy. Talk about having NO parental rights

We have contacted a nationwide media...hopefully we can embarrass the bastards into action.

Jafo

on Dec 18, 2005

starkers...different 'parts' of the legal system have different powers and scope for their use. The Child Protection Act and its administering bodies are quite different to the Law Statutes that empower Officers of the court to incarcerate reluctant court witnesses.

The tiers of Justice have interesting anomalies....

starkers

on Dec 18, 2005

The tiers of Justice have interesting anomalies...

Frustrating anomalies, more like it...ridiculous anomalies, where the left hand refuses to co-operate with the right.

Worse still, we sought assistance from these authorities for the child's sake, yet we're the ones being subjected to threats of prosecution...and for doing what any loving, caring and responsible parent would do when their child is at risk.
Yet if we had stood by and done nothing to intervene, we'd have been branded as irresponsible and charged with various offences under the Child Protection Act.
Can't win with these people....damned if we do, damned if we don't, and they'll be damned if they'll offer any genuine assistance.

Anyway, I've given up trying to fathom it all and I should probably go to the hospital cos something don't feel right.....

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